I should have been home yesterday.

by kinsleyjkoons

Recently I went on a road trip with my four dearest friends from high school, and it was exactly what I needed in so many ways. There is something really unique about people who knew you and loved you before you had braces, while you had braces, and after you got them taken off. That is a lot to go through with someone, and I feel so fortunate to have friends like them.

We camped in the mountains of New Mexico, and then made the trek back to Arkansas, so we could all return to our respective colleges on time. But I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we all felt very “filled” by our brief time together.  We had the perfect balanced conversations of who we were, who we are, and who we are becoming, which are important subjects to talk about all at the same time, I think.

During one of the more silent moments of our road trip, I was thinking a lot about a lot of classic “back to school” thoughts (which all seem to be terrifyingly enhanced because of that fact that it is my senior year). And I was looking out the window, and John Denver’s Country Roads (one of the best road trip tunes of all time, probably.) was playing in the background, and I was trying to sort out all of the different anxieties and stresses that would be waiting for me upon returning to school. I opened by journal in an attempt to maybe at least try to make a list of them all, because one of my friends always says that lists make everything better, but instead I just looked back at some of the older pages and found this Rilke quote that I scribbled down in May.

This is what it said:

“Think, dear sir, of the world you carry within you… be it remembrance of your own childhood or longing for your own future. Only be attentive to what is arising in you, and prize it above all that you perceive around you. What happens most deeply inside you is worthy of your whole love. Work with that and don’t waste too much time and courage explaining it to other people.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

I’m not sure how much helpful reflection I can add to this particular thoughts of Rilke’s, besides just drawing attention to it. Because, like I wrote about earlier in the summer, to ignore what is going on in the present, to what is arising in us, is the worst thing. I was so drawn to the idea here of wasting courage. Ya know? I think that courage is something that I don’t think about enough, and a lot of what we do in a day requires a sort of courage that often goes unrecognized. But to use the courage that we do have to convince other people that we are worthy is a waste.

Because what is arising in us is worthy of our whole love…… And I’m pretty sure that it is worthy of other peoples love too.

Does that make sense?

A New Mexico morning. August 2013.

A New Mexico morning. August 2013.