going.

by kinsleyjkoons

In two days, I am getting on a plane and flying to Ireland.

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I have spent the last week in Upland, getting to the know group of bright individuals that I am going on this trip with. However, it has been difficult to see the people that I already know and love move into their apartments and houses. Why am I forcing myself into a situation where I have to meet new people, when I already like the people that I know? And right when I think I feel peace about the situation, I experience another reunion, which only causes my emotions to go spiraling backwards into the thoughts of safety and comfort that are represented by this campus that I know and love.

So, I ask my friend, “why on earth am I going to Ireland?” His response was simply,

“You are doing this to see what parts of you are hiding there, away from any parts of you that are more Taylor than they are you.”

Often times, we can pidgeon hole an upcoming adventure as a bookend experience of growth. However, I would like to avoid putting expectations and pressures on the next few months of life. I want to understand what it means to live daily, in life, no matter the location, and choose to learn. In one of Rilke’s love poems to God in his collection, “Book of Hours,” he writes the phrase:

“I can choose to feel you.”

So, instead of praying things like, “God, please use this time in Ireland.” I hope that I can understand what it means to choose to feel God. And to commit myself to prayers like, “Lord, help me see what you are already doing.”

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I can hardly even wait to see the Irish Sea.

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